he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
