I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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