Soap is not a condiment
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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