Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
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slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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