you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
