you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
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your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
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ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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