I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
