Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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