You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
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it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
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the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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