We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
