Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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