Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
