i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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