Porn is love you can see.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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