It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize