During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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