glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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