You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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