my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
