my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize