Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
