Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
