dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
