oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
