haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
