Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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