There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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