OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
