it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
