i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls should come with a carfax report
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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