Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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