I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
