there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
