you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
