God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
