Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
