She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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