It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
