The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
