I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
