is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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