I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
