hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You are the jesus of drinking
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
