So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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