One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
