he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
