she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
