Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
