Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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