Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
