I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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