if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
we should paint friendship bongs
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
