Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize