i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
