ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize