you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
