please come you make the beer taste better
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
