I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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