apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
