I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
