your room smells of hookers.
And success
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
