I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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