watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
