if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
