How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize