And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
