Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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