Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
