I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
