I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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