I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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