I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
