i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
