I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
