Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
