I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
