please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
