How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
