drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
