they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
