I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my shit smells like andre
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
