oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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