we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
