the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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