If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Randomize
